When Everything Goes Wrong at Once: My Chaos Comedy

🚨 BREAKING: Universe Confirms I’m the Punchline

You ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong at once? Like the universe spins its little wheel of misfortune and instead of picking one problem, it just screams, “ALL OF THEM!” Yeah, that was me today — starring in my own tragic comedy called “The Universe Hates Me: Season 47, Episode 3.”

First stop: the doctor’s office. I stroll in feeling semi-proud of myself for being a responsible adult who makes appointments. Plot twist: apparently, my medical insurance decided to vanish into thin air. Just gone. Invalid. Expired. Abandoned me like a deadbeat dad. And now? I’ve got a marathon phone call ahead of me — hours on hold listening to the same four bars of customer service music until my soul disintegrates. Exactly how I wanted to spend my Tuesday.

But wait, the chaos gods weren’t done. Oh no, my store wanted in on the action. Google flagged me for some mysterious “rule violation” and now my products are invisible until I fix it. Which rule did I break? No clue. Maybe existing. Maybe breathing wrong. Who knows. All I know is, poof, my stuff’s gone from the search results like it never existed.

And this — this right here — is when I finally get why people run businesses in teams. Because doing this solo? It’s like a horror film where the villain is an endless string of error messages. No backup. No sidekick. Just me, losing my shit in real time.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse — BAM. The app that connects my Facebook store to my Wix store joined the meltdown party. Popped up with its little smug notification like, “Hi, you’ve got issues to fix!” No shit, Facebook. The issue is me, Googling “how to fix this stupid problem” every two minutes like I’m cramming for a test I never studied for.

Here’s the thing, though — this is just a hobby store. My expectations? Low. My patience? Nonexistent. But still, here I am, ready to waste all night (hell, maybe all week) wrestling with this nonsense because I’m chasing that high. That ridiculous, hell yeah, I figured it out high. The one where you finally fix it, slam your laptop shut, and strut around the house like you just solved world hunger… when really you just made a hoodie reappear on Google.

So yeah. Insurance, Google, Facebook — all tag-teamed me today. And somehow, I’m still standing. Barely. Probably powered by caffeine and spite. But if I figure all this out? Oh, you bet I’ll be celebrating like I just won the damn lottery.

Because that’s life with me: one pleather pile of chaos at a time. Only me.